Where's the excitement in the kid's menu?

[Previously published for sfgate.com/moms]

My husband sometimes says to Mikey, "You're not going to like this, it's too spicy." I always interrupt a little irritated, "Let him try it and decide for himself." I think Zack has a preconceived notion that kids only eat bland and boring foods. I think restaurants think this way too.

We don't go out to eat often with Mikey but when we do I order off the kids menu. It's always the same old stuff like grilled cheese and pasta with butter sauce. I order it thinking that it's a treat, that I've deprived Mikey of what all other kids like to eat. And every time, Mikey tastes it and says, "no that, no that!" The food is boring and tasteless and he knows it.

Are kids not eating because they're picky eaters or do they
not eat because their options are always the same old boring meals?

Vaccines: My Story

West received his first vaccination, DTaP (Diphtheria, Tetanus, and Pertussis). My pure and perfect little baby is now contaminated with things like aluminum and formaldehyde. According to the FDA, more than 30 micrograms of aluminum injected into a newborn at one time could be toxic. The aluminum in the Daptacel brand of the DTaP vaccine is 1300 micrograms (Sears). Somehow vaccine manufacturers are exempt from FDAs 25 microgram limit of injected aluminum at one time. And, The Environmental Protection Agency, Occupational Safety and Health Administration, Consumer Product Safety Commission all list formaldehyde as a carcinogen and state that it can cause kidney damage and genetic damage (Sears). Yikes!

I asked the doctor, "Should I nurse him during the shot?" I was halfway thinking of my breast milk like a super power that would save him from all the poisons. He replied, "No, better to reward him with a feeding after the shot." And so, I lay West down on the crinkly, white paper and looked into his eyes. He looked up at me and smiled. I told him, "West, you're going to get a shot. It will hurt, but I have done a lot of research and feel like this is the best decision that I can make for you right now." And then, the Doctor stuck the needle right into his little thigh. West's face flared red and he let out a helpless cry. I swooped him up as the doctor put a band aide over the blood leaking out from the injection spot. I plopped down on the nearest chair to feed him. "Let me know if you need this room. I can move if you like," I asked the doctor. "No, take your time," he said.

West nursed for a little bit, but he seemed fine. I was not fine. I hated seeing him get hurt. One of the reasons for a home birth was to avoid traumatizing events like this one. Babies only minutes old are pricked with a Hepatitis B shot. Hep B is sexually transmitted. I don't think that a newborn is at risk of that. Up until now, West hasn't had anything traumatizing happen to him. I believe that his calm, protected birth at home is why he never cries. Will this shot change all that?

I started researching vaccines before West was born and continued my research up until the morning before his first vaccination. I had already declined the Hep B. I decided to also decline the Rotavirus and Polio vaccines because the Rotavirus is treated by drinking fluids and it is a new vaccine which makes me nervous. Since the Homeland Security Act, some trial periods for new vaccines can be only two weeks (Hicks, Phipps). Polio is practically nonexistent, and so I feel comfortable postponing that shot until he is three-years old. I decided to space out the Haemophilus and Pneumococcal vaccines from the DTaP to give his body a chance to absorb the aluminum and formaldehyde before receiving another dose.

I came to these decisions by reading The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert Sears. I had a private vaccine consultation with Dr. Sanford C. Newmark down at Whole Child Wellness. I spoke with West's first pediatrician to get his input. He didn't seem to be taking my concerns seriously, and so I ended up switching pediatricians. I went to a vaccine talk by chiropractors Dr. Kristine Hicks and Dr. Colin Phipps. Neither one of them have vaccinated their children. I spoke with Dr. Daphne Miller at her Family Practice and got her input. After all my research and discussions with different doctors, I created my own alternate vaccine schedule.

My main concerns with vaccines are the ingredients in them and their impact on West's immune system. So my vaccine schedule looks at the brands of vaccines used at my pediatrician's office and the amount of aluminum and other toxins in each shot. I am also not giving West more than two vaccines or shots per month to avoid stressing his immune system (Hicks, Phipps). Except, the DTaP is actually three vaccines in one shot, but I had no choice in the matter. I wanted him to be vaccinated for Pertussis, but Pertussis only comes with Diphtheria and Tetanus attached. I would prefer a Pertussis shot alone because there is only five cases of Diphtheria each year and sometimes years go by without any cases (Sears). There is only 50 cases of Tetanus a year and only one of those cases was a child under five years old (Sears).

I was also informed by Dr. Newmark not to give Tylenol or Motrin preemptively before a shot or even before a fever. Tylenol is digested by the liver and takes effort by the body's immune system. When getting vaccinated, it's a good idea to have a healthy body with nothing else taxing the immune system.

West was a little needy for the rest of the day, but he didn't get a fever and he hardly fussed. But, I did see him turn red and cry a little in his sleep. His sleeping was also very fragmented. He slept only about twenty minutes at a time. On day two, he slept practically all day and had larger than normal spit-ups. I scanned him over constantly looking for more serious side effects like seizures or lowered consciousness (Center for Disease Control). The third and fourth days, his napping was short again and hasn't gone back to the way it was before the shot. On the fifth day, I am noticing more crying and general fussing. On the seventh day, sleeping appears to be back to normal.

For me, vaccinating is deciding to take the risks of the vaccines over the very small risk that he might get one of the diseases. Although I am making a well informed decision to vaccinate West, I don't feel good about it. I am injecting him with poison and I could be compromising his immune system so much that he will have other health problems later in life (Hicks, Phipps). The only thing that comforts me right now is what my friend Amy said about her son getting the Rotavirus in Vietnam, "When he was sick over there, I would have given anything to have had him vaccinated." I think that I would feel the same way if I didn't vaccinate West and he got one of the diseases. We are not vaccinating West for Rotavirus, but I'd consider it if we travel to a remote area of the world.

Next month, West goes in for the Haemophilus and Pneumococcal vaccines.

Vaccine Talk. 'Questioning Vaccines' is an informal lecture presented by Dr. Colin Phipps and Dr. Hicks.

The talk will be held at More Mojo Studios (1347 Church Street, located at the corner of Church and Clipper) from 10:00 a.m. to noon, on Sunday September 13, 2009.

Tickets are $10.00 at the door. Please call More Mojo (415.821.6656) in advance to give us a heads up with your intended attendance in order to support us in preparing for the number of people who will be present.

For more information or if you have any questions, please feel free to give us a call at 415.821.6656.

When there's no jarred pasta sauce in Mexico

[Previously published for sfgate.com/moms]

It's a good thing that I know how to make simple tomato sauce because there isn't any jarred kinds here in Puerto Vallerta, Mexico. It makes sense, I am in Mexico not Italy. Although I can find a lot of American foods like peanut butter, they come at a high price. The grocery store charges $9 for a jar of peanut butter. It's best to stay away from the expensive packaged foods and by loose fruits and vegetables.

I normally don't use jarred sauces, but I still rely heavily on my written recipes and cookbooks, which I didn't carry to Mexico. Luckily, I learned how to make a tomato sauce without a recipe a few weeks ago.

For a simple dinner at the vacation condo:

1/4 cup olive oil
5 garlic cloves
1/2 small onion
26 oz. chopped or pureed tomatoes
1/2 tablespoon honey
salt to taste

Heat the olive oil and garlic together for five minutes. The idea is to scent the olive oil. Pull the garlic out after the five minutes. Add the onion to the olive oil. Cook for five minutes or until soft. Add all the tomatoes. Season with salt and honey.

While living in France many, many years ago, I learned that sugar helps cut the acidity of the tomatoes. Then here in Mexico, I used honey instead of refined white sugar and my red sauce tasted even better!

Simmer until all the flavors blend together, another ten minutes, or until the pasta is ready. Either eat the sauce chunky or puree in a blender.

The meal was simple to make and very tasty. Even on vacation, it's nice to eat in.

A Short Film: Reducing Infant Mortlity

Our infant mortality ranking is 42nd on the world stage which means 41 countries have better statistics. This places us right in the middle of the following countries: Guam, Cuba, Croatia and Belarus, with over double the infant deaths compared to the top 10 countries of the world. (CIA World Factbook).

Here is a short video on reducing infant mortality and improving the health of babies in the United States. One of the producers is Shelley Campbell from San Rafael: http://www.reducinginfantmortality.com/. Learn more about the film here.

Does smiling really matter?

I don't look happy in our vacation video. I felt happy but the pictures show a stone faced and serious mom. My lips are so tightly closed that I can see lines where they bunch together. Zack took a video of Mikey eating spaghetti because it was hilarious. Mikey was naked (think hot Mexico) and working so hard to stuff one strand of spaghetti into his month. He was covered in red sauce. When the camera shows me, my eyes are so wide that it looks like I don't have eyelids. I am so focused on feeding Mikey that I am missing the comedy of the whole scene. But I swear, I wasn't. I was happy and giddy the whole time. I guess it was on the inside because my face showed a totally different story.

[Previously published for sfgate.com/moms]

I've decided to start forcing a smile. Not like a fake smile but more of a relaxed face smile. I've heard laughing is therapeutic and in Bali they meditate with a smile. So I've decided to practice relaxing my face, parting my lips slightly, and curling up the ends of my mouth as often as I think about it.

Now that I am aware of my tight face syndrome, I can feel it. I felt it driving towards the Laurel Village parking lot, and then I loosened it and found a parking spot right away. I felt my lips tighten and pucker while picking poultry at the grocery store. I relaxed and felt happier instantly. I smile when I do the dishes. I smile when I type on the computer. I smile when I play with Mikey.

Being a mom is sometimes so intense that I have to stay focused and on task, but now I am doing it with a smile.

Woman's choice of birth place at risk in Australia

The government in Australia is trying to control a woman's body by jailing them and fining them for giving birth at home. Huge woman's rights issue.

Here's a news clip from Austria on the protests:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Bjc3TBLAHM&feature=PlayList&p=CC6EA57B9C8EDDB1&index=3&playnext=3&playnext_from=PL

Why save candles for birthdays?

[Previously published for sfgate.com/moms]

I can think of one good reason. Fire isn't a game and I shouldn't be teaching Mikey that lighting matches and birthday candles over and over is fun. Nonetheless, this candle game happened organically this morning and Mikey loved it.

He found the box where I keep the leftover candles from birthday cakes (all two of them) and wanted to light one. Mikey wasn't able to blow out his second birthday cake's candle. He almost scorched his eyebrows trying. So I thought maybe he could use a little practice. A pear was handy, so I sliced the pear and stuck the candle in it. I sang, "Happy Birthday too you..." and he blew it out right on cue. His face glowed like he had won Wimbleton. Then he wanted to do the next candle and the next. Soon he didn't wait for me to finish singing and by the end I wasn't singing at all. He was blowing out the candle and the match with one big puff. He was done with the game when we had lit and blew out each candle in the box. I used this opportunity to review colors and numbers and other things listed below:

The Candle Game

1) Discuss the difference between smoke and steam.
2) Practice blowing which isn't an obvious skill.
3) Use fine motor skills by putting the candles in the pear hole.
4) Name each candle color.
5) Teach about matches and that he is not to play with them without me. Fire is dangerous.
6) Sing Happy Birthday which boosts self-esteem and makes a child feel special even on an ordinary day.
7) Count the candles and matches.

Candles can stand in anything. It doesn't have to be a cake or cupcake.

Can my two-year old understand me?

[Previously published for sfgate.com/moms]

Mikey is going through a very frustrating developmental period for me. He is unhappy mostly everywhere except home. And at home, I can't even finish unloading the dishwasher before he says, "Mama come." He needs my full attention all the time. I really enjoy hanging out with him but lately it's been difficult. I didn't realize how drained a felt, until Mikey's papa came home tonight, and I scurried off into the office and closed the door.

I was hoping for a little peace. My goal was three minutes. I didn't even make it three minutes alone before Mikey started screaming for me on the other side of the door. I heard Zack saying, "Let's go play in the yard." But, by that point Mikey was so worked up nothing would satisfy him apart from being in his mommy's arms. I opened the door and grabbed my keys. I needed out. I felt trapped and I needed some space. My decision didn't help the volume of screaming and Zack didn't know what to do, so he followed me down to the garage with our wailing child.

At this point, Mikey was so red and horse from crying that I couldn't leave him. Nonetheless, I was still upset and needed a walk. So, I took him and marched off into the street with no idea where I was going. Zack stood on the steps with no shoes and the whole house open, "Where are you going?" he asked. I turned to look but didn't respond. I just didn't know.

I held Mikey tight in my arms and walked in silence. Tears dripped down from under my sunglasses. When we reached the Panhandle park, I let Mikey down to walk. He reached for my hand and held it as we crossed the bike lane. Mikey never wants to hold my hand when we walk. He swats it away every time. But tonight it was his hand that held mine. "He is holding my hand to comfort me," I thought.

His hand transmitted so much love that I came out of my depressed state and into the present moment. It was a warm San Francisco Friday night. A woman sat on the grass with her newborn baby. Dogs ran after balls. Crows cawed loudly in the trees. Bikes zipped back and forth on the path. The warm offshore breeze dried my tears.

We continued to walk hand-in-hand without talking. Mikey would pick up a leaf or an acorn and show it to me. I would nod or smile. Just as soon as he'd let go of my hand he'd say, "hand, hand," and want it back. But this time, it wasn't for him, it was for me.

He maintained a steady walk. Normally, he can barely walk up our small street in under an hour and getting him to walk up the stairs to our apartment is about as frustrating as it gets. But in that moment, he walked. We stopped briefly to watch the basketball game and the skateboarders, and then we headed out of the park and back up the hill to the house.

We passed the newly painted orange Buddhist meditation house and Mikey looked up at me and said, "Orange." When I looked back into his eyes they weren't the eyes of a two-year old. He held my gaze with the most beautiful smile that I have ever seen. For a brief moment, my son knew more than I. He was all knowing, comforting, loving, and still. Mikey held my hand all the way home and he didn't let me go.

Zack caught up to us on the bike just before we turned onto our street. I ran a lavender bath as soon as I walked in the door. Mikey climbed in and Zack leaned over the side of the tub and washed him while I relaxed and enjoyed their company.

Take away the incentives for too many c-sections

"On average, Medicaid pays $5,000 more for a C-section than for a vaginal birth, and private insurance pays a far greater premium. You don’t have to be a cynic to wonder if that could have something to do with the rise in unnecessary C-sections."

Read this article about Obama's plan to change our nation's huge unnecessary c-section rate:

http://crosscut.com/2009/08/06/health-medicine/19144/

Why do parents who don't need the money go back to work?

[Previously published for sfgate.com/moms]

I was talking to a mom at a baby shower who explained why she chose to go back to work even though she didn't need the money. As she told me the story, tears swelled up in her eyes. She works at a company that offers a year maternity leave (amazing, I know). She took the full year with her first child but returned to work after three months with the second. She said that she couldn't handle it. Two kids were too much for her. She felt like she would snap at any moment. So she hired someone to do the job for her. She said that she feels really guiltly about her decision.

The reality of her situation saddens me. People have kids but don't want to do the work or feel someone else could do a better job. She loves her children but she can't be with them all day long. My interest in her story stems from my own mom not wanting to be with me or my two siblings. My mom left my dad and the three of us young children when I was only four years old. She gave my dad custody and went to live in Florida to get her Ph.D.

Maybe it's good that my friend at the baby shower went to work. If that's what keeps a family together, then so be it.