I live on a relocated cemetery

[Written previously for SFGate.com/moms]

This Friday I was alone in my apartment. Husband and 2-year old were elsewhere for the night. I had a nice night out: yoga and dinner. I cleaned up that day's breakfast and the rest of the house from 11pm to midnight. I lay in bed alone. I fell asleep and then awoke two hours later because I felt someone holding my hand. I don't think that I've slept alone, I mean really alone for two plus years. So, I thought maybe I was just imagining that Zack was in bed with me, but I woke to the same feeling every two hours until finally morning came. Much of the Richmond District was a graveyard. The Encyclopedia of San Francisco says:

Golden Gate Cemetery was created in 1868 on about 200 acres purchased by the city north of Clement between 33rd and 43rd avenues. It was also known as Clement Street Cemetery and the City Cemetery. In 1909, it was turned into Lincoln Park Golf Course. It is unknown how many remains were moved, and several hundred were discovered when the Palace of the Legion of Honor was being renovated in the 1990s.

My house was part of a housing development put on top of an old cemetery, one of "The Big Four" cemeteries. After we moved into our house and started digging in the garden, we found a large piece of a tombstone. If they forgot to remove a piece of tombstone, what else did they forget? My neighbor has a fully intact tombstone in her yard. She calls it, "Our New Yorker." He was a pioneer from New York. Although she jokes about it, she confessed that she got holy water from a church and poured it over the top. I am starting to think that I should do the same thing.

It was like people were hanging out in my house, but I couldn't see them. Like trying to sleep with someone watching you. Or, trying to sleep with the lights on. They weren't mean or unfriendly just there. I've felt them before with Zack home but somehow I was able to ignore them better. Friday night was a haunted, sleepless night. I am glad that I've got a full house again.

My Baby

"This is MY baby. This is MY baby," I repeated over and over in my head right before each wave to push consumed me. The urges were so strong that I felt like I could loose my breath completely.

The sun shown bright and I listened to the neighborhood children play outside as I labored calmly in my birth tub. I had wonderful rests between surges where I listened to birds and dosed off to sleep. My doula whispered, "You are having a beautiful birth, Thais."

I was, but I also struggled with doubt the whole time. I was scared that I might not be able to pull it off. Even when West's head had crowned, I thought that he would get stuck and Maria would have to transport me to the hospital for another cesarean. And then, the hospital would have birthed by baby not me. But somehow, I managed to overcome those doubts right before each surge with my simple chant, "This is MY baby." Sometimes I would say, "Let's just get through this next one. Just one more."

The realization that only I can birth my baby in the way that I want was an on going theme for me throughout my pregnancy. People that I felt dependent on and wanted at my birth didn't work out for one reason or another. Even Maria had to go lobby in Washington on my due date, and I had to come to terms with the fact that she might not be there for the birth. Luckily, West came when she got back. I am so grateful for that.

For my first son's birth, subconsciously, I always thought that I'd be saved like Cinderella is saved from her evil step-sisters. I assume that it is a cultural message ingrained in my psyche since I was a little girl. It's important to have support, but the reality is that only the Mama can birth the baby. It is hard to be alone on such a hard journey, but the belief that I could do it and my two years of preparation allowed the baby to come. I pushed as hard as I possibly could. I wanted him to arrive protected at home and in peace.

"This is MY baby," I chanted over and over again to myself. And I did push him out. He came right out like he should. It took only one hour of pushing after seven hours of active labor. Baby West was born at home on a gorgeous, sunny day. His demeanor is as peaceful and calm as the way that he joined us. And, he is so loved by me and so many others who have followed my recovery from my first son's birth to the discovery and actualization of a home birth with my second. When Maria put him on my chest, I rejoiced, "I did it! I did it!" Kara, my doula, cried with joy next to me as she listened to my reaction. I feel so powerful. Birth really is empowering.

As I celebrated holding my new baby in my arms and watching him nurse perfectly without any instruction. Maria said, "Now that is an unmedicated baby." After a brief celebration, Maria was looking serious again because I still had not birthed my placenta. We waited an hour and tried everything from angelica root, to nursing, to a shot of pitocin. Finally Maria had to make the decision to call 911 and have an ambulance transport me to UCSF. I needed a manual removal of the placenta. It was only Maria's fifth ambulance transport in her 23.5 years of being a midwife. Four of the five transports were placenta related.

Maria can perform the procedure herself, but since I had had a previous cesarean the chance of hemorrhaging was too risky. The procedure at UCSF was short and I was back at home shortly afterward. I am happy to have had a good hospital experience rather than one of a victim. It was a necessary part of my healing.

As Maria and I waited for Zack to pull the car around in the quiet lobby of the hospital at midnight, she said, "This is what home birth is all about, it's a collaboration with the hospitals. We come to them when we need their services and we only use what we need."

Please join the MAMA Campaign to help lobby to include Certified Professional Midwives in the Obama's Health Care Reform bill.

Born at Home! Welcome home baby West.

All went well and I had my beautiful baby at home on my side of the bed. I used the tub but it wasn't where I chose to birth my baby for whatever reason. I was in active labor for seven hours and pushed for one hour. He latched on right away and I had a glorious hour with him before I had to go to the hospital for a manual removal of my placenta. The procedure was short and I was back home in bed with my baby shortly afterward. I feel like the hospital experience was a vital part of my healing, but I am glad that it was a short and relatively easy visit.

I am writing a more detailed birth story for this blog and Maria's blog. It will still be abbreviated. I really need to write a book to cover the full two years of my experience.

I am sure happy to be on the other side and to have had a successful and joyful birth experience. What a load off! Time to move on but not from the home birth community; I am here to stay.

West weighed 8lbs. 10 oz. He was 21 1/4 inches long. And, had a head of 13 3/4 circumference.

More about my home birth journey here.

Homemade Granola with Soaked Oats and Sprouted Seeds

How to make homemade granola with soaked oats and sprouted seeds and nuts?

8 cups dried rolled oats
1 cup coconut oil
1 tbs. vanilla
1 tbs. cinnamon
2 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon molasses
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup whole almonds
1 cup pumpkin seeds
1/2 cup sunflower seeds
1/2 cup flax seeds
1 cup raisins
1/2 cup goji berries
1 cup shredded coconut
1/4 cup chocolate chips or carob chips (optional)

Day 1
Step 1: Measure 8 cups of raw rolled oats and put into a large bowl. Add 16 cups of water and 16 tablespoons of yogurt, lemon juice, whey, kefir, buttermilk, or vinegar for sprouting. Let soak overnight.

Step 2: Measure 2 cups of nuts and/or seeds and soak overnight in a bowl. I like to use any combination of pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, and almonds. Read more about soaking nuts and seeds here.

Day 2
Step 3: Strain and rinse oats. Dehydrate for around 8 hours or until dry at 250 degrees.
Step 4: Strain and rinse nuts and seeds. Dehydrate with the oats but on separate sheets until dry (approximately 4 hours at 250 degrees).
Step 5. Toast nuts and seeds in 300 degree oven with salt for forty-five minutes.

Day 3
Step 6: Crumble dehydrated oats into a large bowl.
Step 7: Mix in coconut oil, vanilla, molasses, brown sugar, and honey to oats.
Step 8: Pulse nuts and seeds in a food processor or blender until they are chopped (optional step, Mikey doesn't like the big chunks).
Step 9: Mix chopped nuts and seeds into oats.
Step 10: Mix in flax seeds to oats.
Step 11: Pour onto two buttered cookie sheets and put into a 300 degree oven for forty-five minutes.
Step 12: Pour back into the large mixing bowl and add raisins, goji berries, shredded coconut, and chocolate chips (optional) or carob chips (optional). Mikey was the mastermind behind adding the chocolate and carob chips in the first place. I think it's too sweet so we serve them on the side now.

This all seems like a lot of steps but if you already have the nuts and seeds soaked and toasted, it doesn't take as long to make this granola. We love it! I am making a batch every week these days.

Fastest Check-Out Line at Rainbow Grocery

Some of you might have read the recent article on SFGate.com about coupon days at Rainbow Grocery. They are busy shopping days, but for me, the savings are worth it. If the lines are really, really long, I would pick lane 4. It feeds into two cashiers, and so goes twice as fast as the other lines.

Happy Shopping!

Where to find Rainbow Coupons?

Midwifery and Health Care Reform

Three San Francisco midwives are going to DC this week to speak with key Senate staffers from Boxer and Feinstein's offices about how Certified Professional Midwives can be an important solution to the difficulties with American maternity care. Obama's three health care reform principles include: reducing costs, guaranteeing options and providing affordable, quality care to all Americans. Midwifery can do all three!

Here are two videos taken at Maria Iorillo's home to help promote Midwifery in Health Care Reform:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4atqJNTmPrs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeYQrDzB2lY

Subscribe to the Mama Campaign to support the purpose. Numbers of subscribers is important when lobbying.
http://www.mamacampaign.org/

2008 San Francisco Department of Vital Statistics for Birth

These are the official Mode of Delivery rates for San Francisco Hospitals in 2008.

The Categories are

Primary (first baby)
C/S (cesarean)
Repeat C/S (repeat cesarean)
Forceps
Vacuum
Spontaneous (natural vaginal birth)
VBAC (Vaginal Birth after C/S)

This is the percentage breakdown based on total births at that hospital.

This is public information.

Hospital	Primary Cesarean	Repeat Cesarean	Total Cesarean
CPMC	20.6%	10.3%	30.9%
Kaiser	24.2%	7.5%	31.7%
SF General Hospital	11.8%	8.8%	20.6%
St. Lukes	11.5%	9.0%	20.5%
UCSF	18.8%	8.2%	27%

Hospital	Forceps	Vacuum	Spontaneous
CPMC	1.8%	7.6%	58.5%
Kaiser	0	2.7%	64.7
SF General Hospital	1.1%	4.6%	72.8%
St. Lukes	.4%	3.4%	75.7%
UCSF	4.3%	3.1%	64%

Hospital	VBAC
CPMC	1.3%
Kaiser	.9%
SF General Hospital	1.9%
St. Lukes	.1%
UCSF	1.7

Are you scheduled?

My due date is tomorrow and I can't believe that what inspired me to write a post tonight is induction of labor. Since I am looking fairly large, many people ask me, "When are you due?" I say, "Tomorrow." And, they say, "Oh, are you scheduled?"

By scheduled, I am assuming that they mean scheduled for induction of labor. I am truly surprised by the number of people who ask this question.

How did this become the socially acceptable response?

Why don't people say things like, "Oh that's wonderful, best of luck for a healthy baby."

As I write that phrase, I think to myself, "Of course, people must say that nice cliche phrase. "

Sadly, they really don't. Instead when they hear that my due date is tomorrow, their eyes pop out of their head and they look at me in dread and fear. They can't believe that I am at my son's swimming lesson or the grocery store or walking the Lyon St. steps.

Why do we react this way?

It is not beyond me that I am sheltered from our mainstream world of fear-based maternity care. If I were receiving care from an OBs office right now, I would surely be pressured to schedule an induction date or rather in my case a cesarean date (induction shouldn't be done with VBac mamas). I am so happy not to have that pressure and to be allowed the time and space to have my baby when my baby is ready to be born. I am certainly ready as most women are at 40 weeks. I hope he comes soon.

38 weeks: Birth Tub and Love

I am in a sweet spot of my pregnancy where everything is bliss. The seas are calm. I've had two nights this week of five to six hours of sleep without waking up. My birth tub is set-up and ready. I have been feeling practice labor every night from 7-11pm. I am ready and settling into waiting for baby West to join his family on the outside.

During Shavasana today, I had a practice contraction and it actually felt pleasurable. I hope that I can relax that much during labor to have an enjoyable experience. At least, I got a small glimpse of how that might work. I just can't wait to hold baby West in my arms. I want to feel him all wet and slippery with Vernix and watch him play with us for that brief hour of alertness before he goes to sleep for two weeks.

When I think of the name West, I think of hope. Traveling to the West into the unknown in search of a better life. I think of openess, vast space, and surrendering into trust, love, and kindness. All these qualities remind me of the characteristics of the sacred faminine and all our female spiritual leaders. Why would we name a boy West if all I think about is female qualities when I think of his name? Well, I can't imagine a better world than a world where yin and yang are once again equal and peace is with us all. When I think of the baby inside of me, I think of a soul with a great purpose in this life and I am honored to get him here.

37-week Home Visit

Maria Iorillo, my home-birth midwife, came over to walk through our home to get a sense of the space where my baby will be born. We have to move a couple pieces of furniture; but otherwise, we are ready. All our supplies are labeled and in the birth room (our sun room/baby's nursery). I love this picture of Mikey listening to the baby's heart beat during my check-up.

Mikey crawled in between my legs multiple times reenacting birth. He was born by cesarean so maybe it's how he knows birth to happen through images that he has seen. Or, maybe he is acting out how he would have liked to be born. Maria suggested that I watch a movie called "What Babies Want." She said it has video clips of the same behavior that Mikey was doing while I was laying on the bed. Sort of interesting.

I had false labor last night. I thought that I'd have a baby this morning but no such luck. Zack's picking up the birth tub today so we'll be having a hot tub party in our sun room tonight to give it a test run before the big event.